Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
