well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
