He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
