she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize