I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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