ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
