were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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