he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
