I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
