I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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