He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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