It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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