the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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