If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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