she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
