that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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