I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize