Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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