is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
