So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
