dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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