the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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