So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
