he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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