Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize