So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize