Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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