My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize