I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
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