smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
