I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
