Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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