you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
