you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Can I color on your dick again?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
