Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
