I wish I could teleport
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
