thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
