all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
