I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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