When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
