i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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