i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
