I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Dignity is for republicans.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
