I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I have post one night stand depression
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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