out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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