you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
