I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize