You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
