so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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