Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
