is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
