o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
