They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
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