I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
