can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
