oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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