my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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