we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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