She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
