I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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