OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
