Sry I called you an 8
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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