I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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