she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
only you would photoshop your dick
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
