im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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