I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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