your room smells of hookers.
And success
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
