When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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